This is my 13th Mother's Day. Most mother's days I've never really given much thought about the day and what it really means. But I do know that every other day I spend many of those days beating myself up for not being the perfect mother. I have had over 12 years to tell myself that I don't do things as well as every other mother. I don't teach my kids how to work well enough, I don't teach them the gospel well enough, I haven't taught my 3 year old how to read, write, and spell her name and every other 3 year old can....the list goes on and on. I'm sure no other mother every feels this way;) Sometimes I think that the world makes us feel if we aren't comparing ourselves to other women and noticing our lack of success, we are weird.
2 and a half weeks ago, I had a doctor tell me (not in these exact words) that I may not be around for my kids much longer. That my time on earth could be coming to a much quicker end than I had anticipated. And do you know what??.....all of my imperfections went out the window. For the first time in 12 years (my oldest just turned 12), I realized that NO ONE is a more perfect mother for my children than me. NO one hugs my children the way I do. No one cheers for their success more than I do. No ones heart hurts for my children during their heartaches more than mine. No one wakes them up in the morning like me. No one kisses their cheek each night the way I do when I tuck them into bed.. I AM the perfect mom for Skyler, Nathan, Drew, and Abbey. I will never be the "perfect mom" and others will always do more than me. But I am done putting myself down for things that really don't matter.
Abbey will eventually learn to read and write her name. My boys won't suffer because their mom didn't practice hours with them helping them be the best sports player ever. My kids will never have the perfect homemade birthday cake. But my kids know that I love them and that I believe this gospel is true. And when your 12 year old looks at you and tells you that our family won't survive without me and my 7 year old cries all morning because someone besides his mom woke him up....I know that my kids don't listen to the world judge me...they love me for me...weaknesses and all!!:) I will forever be grateful to this cancer, even if for no other reason, than to teach me that lesson.
Happy Mother's Day to Everyone!! You are the BEST MOM your kids will ever need!!! God could not be everywhere, so he sent us MOMS:)
Hi Natalie,
ReplyDeleteThis is Nancy Hansen, I'm Natalie Hansen's mo
who is in Nathan's class @ school. We met briefly when we volunteered together once. I hope you don't think I'm a weirdo for commenting on your blog, but I just want you to know how amazing you are.
I was heartbroken over your diagnosis when Natalie told me the news. Nathan is only 1 of 2 boys that she likes and so she was a little distraught that Nathan's mom has "the cancer" as she referred to it. We talked about it and the part that confused her the most is why you would have to wear a wig. It was a good opportunity to talk to all of my kids about it.
When I found out about your blog a few days ago I started from your first post and was immediately drawn in to your story. I want you to know how inspiring and motivating you are to me. You are so brave to chronicle your journey and I absolutely love how real you are. You've made me cry several times (which I don't do often) because I too am a mother of 4 and I just don't think I could be as strong as you if faced with your situation. You are truly an inspiration to me!
I was so moved by how you dedicate your runs to people who can't run themselves. I sometimes think about how I should feel "lucky" I get to work-out when others can't, but never as selfless as your perspective. Your Mother's Day post had my 4-year old wondering why the heck I was teary-eyed in the middle of the day : ) I always feel like I can and should parent and discipline better and you really hit the nail on the head that our kids don't care about all the small stuff, they just want us around and want to feel loved.
I love how you are not letting this huge trial in your life get the best of you. I think with your positive attitude and determination you will beat this and one day look back and say "remember when..."
I hope you don't think I'm a weirdo stalker/voyeur. I am a very avid runner myself and I feel like you should know what a neat person you are. You are a very talented writer as well. I hope you continue your blog so that you can keep inspiring others out there (who I'm sure are reading but for whatever reason not commenting).
Good luck with everything and I hope you continue to get better. This blog is going to have a fairy-tale happy ending, I just know it! ; )
Hey Natalie,
ReplyDeleteIt's been a few years since we bumped into each other - at Gardner Village I think. Anyway, I saw on Nicole's blog what was going on in your family and my stomach just dropped. I can't believe that you and your family are fighting through such an awful trial. I saw your blog and just devoured the whole thing. Please know that you and your family are in our prayers. It's seems so surreal but you definitely bring the reality in your blog and make me so grateful for all that I have. I think we all need to be reminded of that which is exactly what your Mother's Day blog did for me. Thank you for saying exactly what I needed to hear and for truly being an inspiration as you overcome this next hurdle. We're praying for you and cheering you on from the sidelines. We think you are amazing!