I love that I am back to running. I have now worked back up to 10 miles. The peace and serenity and the filling of excitement that I get while running is so therapeutic to me, it is truly better than any medicine.
The other day I was out for a long run (to me that is a Saturday run and anything 8 miles or longer):) This particular day I was listening to my ipod going along my usual 8 mile route enjoying the sunny but snowy day. I was listening to Rascal Flatts and the song "Skin" came on. Skin is about a young girl that gets cancer. I was so overtaken by this song, that I was rather caught off guard by my emotions. It then came to the part of the song where it talks about her waking up and finding her hair on her pillow...I was instantly taken back to May and the morning that I woke up and realized my hair was coming out. My tears started falling and I could not stop them and you know what, I didn't really try, it felt so great to just let them go!
I didn't really realize that I had bottled that emotion so deep inside, but hearing this song allowed that emotion to spill out and I was able to deal with that pain. The crazy part was, is that I didn't even realize this was still painful to me. It was then and there, hearing that song, that I realized that I still have healing that needs to take place. But after that run, I came home with a much lighter feeling on my shoulders. I love running:)
Sunday, December 11, 2011
A Beautiful Heartbreak
I have been wanting to write again for some time now, I just never sit down and take the time to put my words and thoughts down. I have really done an awful lot of soul searching and wondering about everything that has gone on this past year.
On November 27 I turned 35. For many years now I have HATED my birthday. I would get so mad at Ryan for celebrating them. I don't like getting older...I just don't!! But for the first time in a long while, I actually enjoyed my birthday this year:) I was truly grateful that I was able to turn 35! I realized that turning older is a priviledge, because it now means to me, that I am alive and healthy enough to get to enjoy this day. I am grateful to be here for this Christmas season and still be a part of my family's life.
Ryan and I have had a lot of discussions the last little bit. And we have talked about what this experience has meant to us and our family. I know that some would say they wished they had never had to endure this or be burden by it, but I told Ryan, I wouldn't trade this year and the last 10 months for anything! What I have learned, how I have grown and how I see life now could never have come any other way for me. The lessons that I was taught (and am still being taught) have truly given me a different way of looking at life and trusting in my Heavenly Father and Savior Jesus Christ and their plan for me and my life. I don't question them as frequently as I did before, because I know they see my full potential and what I am capable of doing. Am I perfect at this? Not even close! But I am much better at this than I was 10 months ago.
It never ceases to amaze me how perfectly Heavenly Father knows me and the best way for me to learn and grow. I read a quote the other day that stated:"If God brings you to it, God will bring you through it." This may sounds overly cliche, but I am so thankful for this learning and growing experience Heavenly Father blessed me with, I am forever changed.
My friends shared this song with me entitled "A Beautiful Heartbreak" by Hilary Weeks. This song touched me to my core...Listen to the words...I love how she is able to express my thoughts through her song!! I am grateful for the mountain God placed in my road because I never would have seen the miracles if I had stayed on the ground.
On November 27 I turned 35. For many years now I have HATED my birthday. I would get so mad at Ryan for celebrating them. I don't like getting older...I just don't!! But for the first time in a long while, I actually enjoyed my birthday this year:) I was truly grateful that I was able to turn 35! I realized that turning older is a priviledge, because it now means to me, that I am alive and healthy enough to get to enjoy this day. I am grateful to be here for this Christmas season and still be a part of my family's life.
Ryan and I have had a lot of discussions the last little bit. And we have talked about what this experience has meant to us and our family. I know that some would say they wished they had never had to endure this or be burden by it, but I told Ryan, I wouldn't trade this year and the last 10 months for anything! What I have learned, how I have grown and how I see life now could never have come any other way for me. The lessons that I was taught (and am still being taught) have truly given me a different way of looking at life and trusting in my Heavenly Father and Savior Jesus Christ and their plan for me and my life. I don't question them as frequently as I did before, because I know they see my full potential and what I am capable of doing. Am I perfect at this? Not even close! But I am much better at this than I was 10 months ago.
It never ceases to amaze me how perfectly Heavenly Father knows me and the best way for me to learn and grow. I read a quote the other day that stated:"If God brings you to it, God will bring you through it." This may sounds overly cliche, but I am so thankful for this learning and growing experience Heavenly Father blessed me with, I am forever changed.
My friends shared this song with me entitled "A Beautiful Heartbreak" by Hilary Weeks. This song touched me to my core...Listen to the words...I love how she is able to express my thoughts through her song!! I am grateful for the mountain God placed in my road because I never would have seen the miracles if I had stayed on the ground.
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