OVERWHELMED!!

I am having a complete and total meltdown today!! I think I have finally worked through the shock and I am now so frustrated with this process already. Not one person has called me to let me know ANYTHING!!! I had a heart test Friday, a bone marrow biopsy Monday, a PET Scan and CT scan Tuesday and no one has called!! AND I am suppose to start chemo on Wednesday.....I DON'T THINK SO.

Tuesday I called the doctor's office and asked if I get to meet with the doctor before the chemo starts. They say, yes, you will meet with her at 9:00 am on Wednesday and then we will start chemo at 9:30. Ok.. so will I be there for one hour, maybe two? Oh no, you will be here from 9 until 5. WHAT THE HELL?!?!? Your telling me that I will be there all day. I have 4 little kids at home. I cannot just show up for something thinking it will be an hour or two and then be told...your stuck here all day. I need to organize, figure out my kids. This is freaking crazy..

I call Ryan and give him this bit of information....Ryan's response: "Absolutely not!! That is not acceptable. I haven't even met this woman. You call them back and tell them we want to meet with them before that."

I call back and they say, ok, come in on the 3rd (the day before I start).

I thought I was ok with that, but I'm not.

I just got off the phone with Huntsman Cancer Institute and vented to the poor lady who answered the phone. I explained all these emotions I am now going through. She is amazing and says, that is not acceptable. Are you having any symptoms? No, I'm not....well then, there is no need to rush this so fast. You need to get your bearings, hear the results and make a game plan.....I couldn't agree more. I make an appointment to go meet with them.....oh, nope, they are not an "in network" provider:(!! CRAP.

She gives me the name of a different doctor and says to call them. He is great and used to work at Huntsman. I call this doctor at the Utah Cancer Specialists. I call over there and the office manager gets on the phone. Oh... this is the other office of my current doctor!! She schedules for both doctors. So I, again explain to her why I am so frustrated. She apologizes and says that I do need to talk to someone in Dr. Beck's office. They should have called me with some results by this point. So, she tells me to call over to doctor Beck's 3rd office and talk to her nurse.

I then get that nurse on the phone and I, again, for the 3rd time today explain to the doctor.....I cannot stand chemo on the 4th. I cannot show up for a 6 months process with no information. How do they even know what stage I'm in? What are my treatment options? How often will I be here? Who will watch my kids? Has this spread to my bone marrow? Is this local or has it spread through my body? What did the CT show? What is the medical option of my heart? Do I take the word of the tech that my heart is fine??? SO many questions and not one word from my doctors office.

I completely start crying on the phone to this nurse. I think I just vented 1 weeks worth of frustration to Suzy the nurse:) One week ago they tell me I have a potentially curable cancer and I'm now suppose to start chemo in 6 days and no one has talk to me at all!!! NOT ACCEPTABLE!!

The nurse completely apologizes for this. She says that they try to keep the patients involved and they have clearly had a breakdown with my case. She will print off the test results and go and talk to Dr. Beck and let her know how I am feeling. She will have Dr.Beck give me a call tonight and just speak with me....Thank you Suzy!! The first progress I've had...let's just see if she calls.

At this point, I'm not sure if I'll start chemo on the 4th. I need answers. I need to know what to expect. What my treatment options are. I need to know how long I will be gone each time and who will have my kids. Who will get them to and from school. Who will get them to soccer and baseball. Who will make their lunch. I cannot just throw this together. I need to know WAY to many things before I start this process.

OVERWHELMED right now.....to say the least!